Developer’s Dilemma: Build Me the Eiffel Tower – Rant

Developers Dilemma, Feature Image aRtVerse, Eiffel Tower, Rainbow, Cupcakes, Unicorns, Data Scientist, Data Analyst, Data Architect, Data Engineer, Software Developer, Software Engineer, Statistician, Boss Mind Reader, Developer, Programmer, Expectation, Reality

When you are expected to be everything to everyone. When an individual is expected to be a diverse team of senior developers i.e., 6 – 8 people with 5-10 years of experience, preferably 100 years altogether! Including, but not limited to, each of the following: a Data Scientist, Data Analyst, Data Engineer, Data Architect, Software Developer, Software Engineer, Business Analyst, Statistician and Boss Mind Reader!

Here is a conversation between Expectation vs. Reality in this scenario:

Expectation: “You there, you know of the Eiffel Tower right?”

Reality: “Uh, yeah. I’ve seen it in photos and movies but I haven’t actually been to France to see it for myself”

Expectation: “Yes, but you can draw the outline of it?”

Reality: “I suppose” *proceeds to draw scribbled Eiffel Tower outline*

Expectation: *Looks at the drawing that somewhat represents the Eiffel Tower* “Ah great, I would like you to build me the Eiffel Tower.”

Reality: What!? Wait their having me on right? *Stares blankly at Expectation*

Expectation: “Oh, and we have not allocated any resources for this. But here is some paperclips and duck-tape lying around the office.”

Reality: “Oh” *big sigh of relief* “You want me to build a model…”

Expectation: “No, no don’t be silly. We want the real thing, we want it to be able to have people waking inside and elevators and glass windows the whole shebang. Oh, and if you can find a way to improve the structure, that’ll be great. And we need you to do it by next week.”

Reality: *Wailing inside* “But that’s not reasonable we don’t even have a plan, a vision, a strategy!”

Expectation: “It isn’t necessary to get so upset. We’ll just give you vague verbal instructions every week and you’ll be fine. Now off you go.”

*One week later*

Expectation: “Oh, we are so very exited to see the Eiffel Tower.”

Reality: *Scratches head* “Uh, yeah. About that – we haven’t started to build anything, because we have been researching how to get paperclips and duck-tape to hold the weight of humans – but we haven’t had much luck yet.”

Expectation: *Upset and disappointed* “That was not your directive! You were suppose to build the Eiffel Tower! Come on now – it’s so easy, anyone can do it. You are supposed to be able to do this anyway.”

Reality: *Having an existential crisis* “Stop treating me like some spoiled teenager complaining about not wanting to wash the dishes! Building the Eiffel Tower is not like washing the dishes!”

Expectation: “Calm down, I thought we talked about you not getting so upset.”

Reality: *Eyes twitching trying to remain in control of themselves* “Then we need people who have done this before, we need a plan and proper resources.”

Expectation: “Oh no, that costs money we certainly cannot afford that. You have your paperclips and duck-tape and another set of vague verbal instructions. So off you go.”

Reality: *Pulling on hair, about to lose it*

Expectation: “Oh, and before you go. We want it to spontaneously materialise prancing unicorns that serve rainbow cupcakes too.”

Reality: *Throws self off of a cliff*

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